The "moment"
Posted March 18th, 2012 at 06:14 PM by student x
The "moment" came to me later in life. I started attending a "mainstream" protestant church in 2004 and attended the worship services and Sunday school regularly. The gospel wasn't clearly preached from the pulpit nor taught in group settings. I had difficulties understanding Scripture on my own because my mind was cluttered with racing thoughts or the reading made me sleepy.
Later I realized I enjoyed being in church for the wrong reasons, I was in desperate need to be accepted. I tried to do the things I thought God expected of me, yet the nagging doubt crept in, "am I saved?" I had said a "sinners prayer." I had tried to be obedient to the moral standards only to fail and become depressed. I began questioning within myself, but I didn't talk to God, I was afraid to. I feared God's condemnation and judgment for my sins, I was afraid I had failed Him. I didn't understand the atonement and didn't know saving faith in Jesus Christ.
After a time of personal tribulation struggling with life and conscience, I began to read Scripture again and my mind seemed to be freer from the cluttering thoughts and I was able to understand some things in what I was reading. I remember reading outside in the late spring of 2007 when I looked up to ponder, just staring at the southern sky, when in my mind I heard God speak to me, and I believed. With my walking stick in hand I walked to the park. Through the pain, I put my knee on the ground and pleaded with the Lord from my heart. "My way does not work, please show me Your ways." That was "the moment". In one instant knowing my death in sin and in the next everything was different. While my body was still stiff in pain, I felt relief. I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt a love inside that wasn't mine. While continuing to pray from the heart, a confident clarity came into my heart and mind: I was spiritually alive and peace had found me.
"...now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life." Romans 6:22
From that day forward, I have been deeply absorbed in the daily reading and studying of Scripture. Without God's grace and His Spirit revealing faith in the Lord Jesus Christ alone for the forgiveness of sin, I would still be in darkness.
God's word does not return to Him void. Isa 55:11
Later I realized I enjoyed being in church for the wrong reasons, I was in desperate need to be accepted. I tried to do the things I thought God expected of me, yet the nagging doubt crept in, "am I saved?" I had said a "sinners prayer." I had tried to be obedient to the moral standards only to fail and become depressed. I began questioning within myself, but I didn't talk to God, I was afraid to. I feared God's condemnation and judgment for my sins, I was afraid I had failed Him. I didn't understand the atonement and didn't know saving faith in Jesus Christ.
After a time of personal tribulation struggling with life and conscience, I began to read Scripture again and my mind seemed to be freer from the cluttering thoughts and I was able to understand some things in what I was reading. I remember reading outside in the late spring of 2007 when I looked up to ponder, just staring at the southern sky, when in my mind I heard God speak to me, and I believed. With my walking stick in hand I walked to the park. Through the pain, I put my knee on the ground and pleaded with the Lord from my heart. "My way does not work, please show me Your ways." That was "the moment". In one instant knowing my death in sin and in the next everything was different. While my body was still stiff in pain, I felt relief. I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt a love inside that wasn't mine. While continuing to pray from the heart, a confident clarity came into my heart and mind: I was spiritually alive and peace had found me.
"...now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life." Romans 6:22
From that day forward, I have been deeply absorbed in the daily reading and studying of Scripture. Without God's grace and His Spirit revealing faith in the Lord Jesus Christ alone for the forgiveness of sin, I would still be in darkness.
God's word does not return to Him void. Isa 55:11
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