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Reload this Page A little humour - Know any good jokes?
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  (#46) Old
Eeset Eeset is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 06:08 PM
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
   
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Arthur Brain Arthur Brain is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 06:11 PM
Man 1: "We have a bird of prey that likes dancing to 80s synth pop at night."

Man 2: "How so?"

Man 1: "Our Kestrel maneuvers in the dark"

Man 2:




Well this is fun isn't it?
   
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  (#48) Old
mikeymikey mikeymikey is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Town Heretic View Post
Here's one for you kids to try on your parents:

Why can't the T-Rex clap its hands?

Because it's extinct, you moron.

They might not get the punch-line at first, so keep hammering it home.
Unfortunately, the punchline sounds like a typical reply to a post on TOL. The "you moron" part has lost all poetic impact, due to gross overuse.

Can you think of a better punchline?



   
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mikeymikey mikeymikey is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 06:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eeset View Post
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
hmmm... I think that reads more like a list of facts, rather than a joke.



   
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Eeset Eeset is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 06:18 PM
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"
   
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Arthur Brain Arthur Brain is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 09:23 PM
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Originally Posted by zippy2006 View Post
Ya hear about the fire at the circus? It was intents.
I'm sure there's a worse joke ever thread about here somewhere?





Well this is fun isn't it?
   
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Town Heretic Town Heretic is offline
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May 7th, 2012, 09:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeymikey View Post
Unfortunately, the punchline sounds like a typical reply to a post on TOL. The "you moron" part has lost all poetic impact, due to gross overuse.

Can you think of a better punchline?
I can, but I promised a friend I'd never use it. So I won't. mikey.
   
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vegascowboy vegascowboy is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:22 AM
World's Funniest Joke



   
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annabenedetti annabenedetti is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:33 AM
Is using video cheating?



   
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OMEGA OMEGA is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:33 AM
Two Catholic Priests walk into a ...

Never mind.




GOD HAS PROMISED US IMMORTALITY
   
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vegascowboy vegascowboy is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by annabenedetti View Post
Is using video cheating?
Only if the video tells a joke. My posted video only tells about a joke.





The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.



Abortion is murder. Period.


   
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annabenedetti annabenedetti is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegascowboy View Post
Only if the video tells a joke. My posted video only tells about a joke.

Those who have good jokes, tell 'em.

The others only talk about them.



   
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vegascowboy vegascowboy is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by annabenedetti View Post
Those who have good jokes, tell 'em.

The others only talk about them.





Ok, fine.

Here are a few punny jokes for you:

The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.



A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.



There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.



The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.



A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.





The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.



Abortion is murder. Period.


   
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annabenedetti annabenedetti is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 11:55 AM
Just warming up, are you?




ok, ok....
   
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Arthur Brain Arthur Brain is offline
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May 8th, 2012, 12:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by vegascowboy View Post





Ok, fine.

Here are a few punny jokes for you:

The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.



A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.



There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.



The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.



A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
And you have the nerve, nay audacity to report me for dire jokes?! For shame sir....





Well this is fun isn't it?
   
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