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The secret to a life-long marriage - October 16th, 2012, 12:46 AM

Part one, the frustration that this has to be a secret.

*Skip to part two-B) if you just want the answer.
I'm only halfway there at 24 years, so if that discounts me in your mind, you can quite reading.

The real dilemma for me is why in the world it is a secret. That fact alone greatly infuriates me because the answer is plain to me. It was plain to me my first year, it is plain to me my 24th.

I used to get my pen and paper out whenever the old couple was celebrating thier 40th - 50th - or longer anniversary. What did they all say was the secret? -Love. "We love each other." To me, "what a load of malarky!" I was always disappointed. If that were the case, why is the divorce rate over 50% across board? "That," I'd say to myself, "is no secret," and I'd crumple the paper and toss it into the over-full waste bin with all the other poor statements.

When I am 50 years in marriage, I will give up my secret, no lovey-dovey nonsense. If you have read this far, I'll give it up today too, it is just the answer I'm also going to give 26 years from now.

************************************************** ****
Part Two: The secret of a lasting marriage revealed
The answer is: "Love." Those of you who skipped will be disappointed and those of you who didn't will be more disappointed because I said that answer was horrible. It is, unless it is explained, which, to me, to date, I've never seen. I'm going to explain it.

Hold on, I'm not done, don't be disappointed. I'm going to do what every other couple (at least that I have seen) has failed to do for you, explain what this means.

A) Romance will get you to the altar, no question. People are always talking about 'keeping the romance alive.' In my humble opinion, it is icing. You cannot have a cake with just icing and that's all anybody seems to want to talk about. You cannot have a marriage (for most of us) with just romance, in exactly the same way you cannot have cake with just icing. Romance is mostly 'feeling' oriented. If that feeling goes, so does the marriage. End of story.

B) The answer:

This is it. This is my answer --> Blue-collar sibling rivalry commitment.
Why is this it? I love my brothers and sister. We had all kinds of drop down drag-outs, and those of you still at home will have to come to this realization later: I love them. I cannot divorce my brothers or sister.

Everyday, I wake up with the realization, not just that I am romantically involved with my wife, but that she is now my family, like a sister. I cannot divorce my siblings, it is a realization. That is why I can't divorce my wife, nor, like my other siblings, would I want to. When I married my wife, we became each other's families. There are a lot of parts to this kind of commitment, like ensuring you love your in-laws, but that's my answer.

Blessings

-Lon

ask any questions
make any comments
you can have a marriage that lasts





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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October 16th, 2012, 01:26 AM

Congratulations for 24 years of marriage, these days not many can say that- you have aged very well also, you don't look old enough to me to even have 24 years of marriage

God bless you and your wife richly with many more years together.





"Jesus warned that we would face times when people would seek to silence us, believing that they were doing their god a service. In much of the world, that god is called "Allah." Here, in the U.S., that god is called "tolerance." And folks, we are witnessing more and more every day the god of tolerance is a very jealous god indeed." - John Stonestreet

Psalm 12:8 The wicked strut about on every side When vileness is exalted among the sons of men.

Psalm 40:5
Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.


Romans 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation

   
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October 16th, 2012, 02:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel4Truth View Post
Congratulations for 24 years of marriage, these days not many can say that- you have aged very well also, you don't look old enough to me to even have 24 years of marriage
Awe, you are to kind (really!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel4Truth View Post
God bless you and your wife richly with many more years together.
I believe, "for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" is saying exactly the same thing I just said.

It is my answer. I think it is everybody else's answer too but we'll see what kind of feedback we get here for confirmation.

Blessings





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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October 16th, 2012, 02:13 AM

Lon, I know that I'm out of the loop, so correct me, but I think it is God who binds the marriage together............. love is a conduit for the covenant relationship just as faith is the conduit of God's redemptive grace.



   
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October 16th, 2012, 04:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon View Post
Part one, the frustration that this has to be a secret.

*Skip to part two-B) if you just want the answer.
I'm only halfway there at 24 years, so if that discounts me in your mind, you can quite reading.

The real dilemma for me is why in the world it is a secret. That fact alone greatly infuriates me because the answer is plain to me. It was plain to me my first year, it is plain to me my 24th.

I used to get my pen and paper out whenever the old couple was celebrating thier 40th - 50th - or longer anniversary. What did they all say was the secret? -Love. "We love each other." To me, "what a load of malarky!" I was always disappointed. If that were the case, why is the divorce rate over 50% across board? "That," I'd say to myself, "is no secret," and I'd crumple the paper and toss it into the over-full waste bin with all the other poor statements.

When I am 50 years in marriage, I will give up my secret, no lovey-dovey nonsense. If you have read this far, I'll give it up today too, it is just the answer I'm also going to give 26 years from now.

************************************************** ****
Part Two: The secret of a lasting marriage revealed
The answer is: "Love." Those of you who skipped will be disappointed and those of you who didn't will be more disappointed because I said that answer was horrible. It is, unless it is explained, which, to me, to date, I've never seen. I'm going to explain it.

Hold on, I'm not done, don't be disappointed. I'm going to do what every other couple (at least that I have seen) has failed to do for you, explain what this means.

A) Romance will get you to the altar, no question. People are always talking about 'keeping the romance alive.' In my humble opinion, it is icing. You cannot have a cake with just icing and that's all anybody seems to want to talk about. You cannot have a marriage (for most of us) with just romance, in exactly the same way you cannot have cake with just icing. Romance is mostly 'feeling' oriented. If that feeling goes, so does the marriage. End of story.

B) The answer:

This is it. This is my answer --> Blue-collar sibling rivalry commitment.
Why is this it? I love my brothers and sister. We had all kinds of drop down drag-outs, and those of you still at home will have to come to this realization later: I love them. I cannot divorce my brothers or sister.

Everyday, I wake up with the realization, not just that I am romantically involved with my wife, but that she is now my family, like a sister. I cannot divorce my siblings, it is a realization. That is why I can't divorce my wife, nor, like my other siblings, would I want to. When I married my wife, we became each others families. There are a lot of parts to this kind of commitment, like ensuring you love your in-laws, but that's my answer.

Blessings

-Lon

ask any questions
make any comments
you can have a marriage that lasts
I am married 36 years to the same woman. This is my and hers one and only marriage. Our one offspring was brought forth out the physical expression of urgings of love which were sustained within our respective hearts for each other. Our son is now grown up.

I was drawn to my wife by urgings of love which arose and are up to this day sustained, naturally and spontaneously (outside of my volition) within my heart for her.

I perceive these urgings of love which arises and are sustained naturally and spontaneously within my heart for those specific people, things and circumstances in God's creation is the indication of what God want me to peruse. I always seek to obey these urgings of love so as to end in relationships and associations with those specific people things and circumstance. In this way I am under grace of God. These associations and relations (when forged) always bring the most bliss.

I imagine that these urgings of love which drew me to my wife and continue to bond me to my wife, will fall off naturally and spontaneously (under God's volition) when, according to God's plan, it is time for us to dissolve this relationship and move on to another.

I know that I am happiest when I am obeying these urgings of love when they arise, are sustained or dissolves.

'I trust God with the all round harmonious organization of my life and the life of all who associate with and relates to, me. I recognize God's will for me as these urgings of love which arises and are sustained naturally and spontaneously within my own heart for those specific people things and circumstances in His creation. I simply unconditionally obey these urgings of love. I simply allow these urgings of love to lead me into relationships and associations with these specific people things and circumstance and in these relationships and associations I do whatever these urgings of love drive me to do, even if I have to transgress the Ten Commandments. However I always obey the laws of the land. By being led into my works by these urgings of love I always bring forth only fruits of God. All children who are brought forth in embryos which are sexually conceived out of an expression of the urgings of love which are sustained within the hearts of procreating couples for each other, are children of God. Children who are brought forth out of only physical sex are always children of the flesh.

I perceive that God is love and only those who have loved know God. The presence of love's urgings in any act is the presence of God in that act. Actions which are initiated by urgings of love are in accordance with God's personalized and precisely will for one. These always bring forth only fruits (including children) of God. People who live in this lifestyle have already inherited God's kingdom of heaven. They are the chosen few.

I seek with childlike innocence and obedience to forge relationships and association with all persons, things and circumstance for who or which urgings of love have arises and are sustained naturally and spontaneously within my heart. And to take these relationships and associations unconditionally into activities wherever love's urgings led them, I do not always succeed. Although this is how I perceive that I can do precisely what God wills for me.

A formal marriage with elaborate religious rituals was done for my wife and I but it was not at all necessary to keep us together. These urgings of love was quite enough. The glue of God, as love's urgings, is most powerful. I perceive that neither I nor any one else can put my marriage asunder. When God is ready, He will cease being these urging of love between us and then our union will be dissolved. That could be tomorrow or at death or further down. However if and when that happens it will be very appropriate for my wife, me and all concerned. Also if and when it is done it will be done in the most appropriate manner. I simply obey love's urging though all stages of arising, being sustained (while it is useful) and dissolving (when it is no longer required) . . . for this is God's will for me.

My marriage and married life have been effortless and happy. We are both lovers and friends to each other. More friends lately than lovers.

We were brought together under child like innocence, under the will of God and we are kept together under the will of God.

I know first hand, the reality of: 'what God has put together, no man can put asunder'.

Love led me to my mate. Love did not arise some time after our meeting. Urgings of love were there right up front and center from the very first moment, strong as ever. 36 years of a very compatible and successful union between my self my wife and our respective extended families, stand in testimony to the merits of being led into my union by love's urgings and not simply having love come after.

Put simply: it was love at first sight for me and I knew from day one that she was the one. Also my wife has also said that it was love at first sight for her and she knew that I was the one from day one. And this love has stood the test of time.




Last edited by Gurucam; October 18th, 2012 at 09:30 AM..
   
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October 16th, 2012, 05:32 AM

it is the child that joins them together
and
the primary reason they must stay together





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October 16th, 2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon View Post
Part one, the frustration that this has to be a secret.

I'm only halfway there at 24 years, so if that discounts me in your mind, you can quite reading.
Lon that's remarkable, 24 years and counting. Congratulations, and may there be many more for you and your wife.

As for the secret, I too have heard what I thought were answers just to be answering until I get an answer from those who have been married a number of years, and true their answer is "We Love each other." And I might add trust, honor.

I know of no secret to a life long marriage, but "Love" is a good answer, and that love is an open book for all to be see in those long term married couples that are in all shapes and sizes, with varied health conditions, still in their own homes or in the nursing home. I see there is only one love greater, and that is the love that our Heavenly Father has for us.

The love that I have Mrs Psalmist, was more clearer and evident, when stood by her beside in the hospital. Mrs Psalmist was on the vent, and not expected to come off of it, thankfully she was on the vent for only eleven days, that is when I realized how much I love the darling of my earthly life. Well that's been ten years ago now, she recovered quite nicely and doing well.

There's not else I can say, since we are still learning and growing together, we are still in love, you know it's amazing what a good dose of reality can do for a person, it like the first line of a forgotten hymn, "If that isn't love." We'll married fifty years come April 20th 2013.







.....O LORD my God, in You I put my trust. Psalm 7:1
.....To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
Psalm 25:1

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~ Leo Buscaglia
   
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October 16th, 2012, 06:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Psalmist View Post
"If that isn't love."
If that ain't love, it'll have to do
Until the real thing comes along

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/dean_martin/#share





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October 16th, 2012, 09:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by student x View Post
Lon, I know that I'm out of the loop, so correct me, but I think it is God who binds the marriage together............. love is a conduit for the covenant relationship just as faith is the conduit of God's redemptive grace.
He does, and you may very well make a case for the divorce rate from that. I was aiming from a particular angle so if I got the front, you got the back, or vise-versa





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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October 16th, 2012, 09:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Psalmist View Post
"If that isn't love."

Would that be?
Little Green Apples - Roger Miller


Quote:
Originally Posted by Psalmist View Post
We'll married fifty years come April 20th 2013.
Congratulations and that is remarkable too. I believe it is a specific kind of love beyond romance (nothing wrong with romance, love just needs more oomph imho) that goes this distance and I believe you attest to it here.





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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October 16th, 2012, 09:33 AM

There is no secret.. you are dealing with another individual that is sometimes irrational.



   
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October 16th, 2012, 09:41 AM

Lots of things that reduce stress, like lots and lots of sex and VERY little drama. The drama is what ages people.



   
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October 16th, 2012, 09:56 AM

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Originally Posted by HisServant View Post
There is no secret.. you are dealing with another individual that is sometimes irrational.
One of the 50%, but which one?





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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October 16th, 2012, 10:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife View Post
Lots of things that reduce stress, like lots and lots of sex and VERY little drama. The drama is what ages people.
So, if one of them is physically unable? Reducing stress is great, but I don't think it the 'secret' personally. Sounds like the same thing two life-long buds could do: reduce stress. Go fishing, jetskiing, etc. It doesn't sound like a marriage formula to me. A marriage aid? Sure. Not the secret. You might get lucky with that, but then again, it's 50/50. I don't believe in taking chances nor staying married for such a triviality. She is my family. That's beyond the scope of 'no dramaz.'





Omniscient without man's say or qualification. John 1:3 "Nothing"
Colossians 1:17 "Nothing" John 15:5 "Nothing"
Mighty, ALL mighty (omnipotent). Revelation 1:8
No possible limitation other than in man's wishful finite inanity Isaiah
40:25 Joshua 24:15
Infinite (Omnipresent) Psalm 145:3 Hebrews 4:13

Is Calvinism okay? Yep

Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think... Amen. -Ephesians 3:20 & 21

1Co 13:11 ... when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways. *************************************

Separation of church and State is not atheism "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights..."
   
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HisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peersHisServant is well respected by his peers
October 16th, 2012, 10:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon View Post
One of the 50%, but which one?
Roll the dice... God is not beholding to human decisions.



   
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