[Sum1sGruj]

Three men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife will determine the vehicle you get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

[annabenedetti]

[mikeymikey]

Originally Posted by Sum1sGruj

Three men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife will determine the vehicle you get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

I like roller skating

[The Horn]

Geographical argument in a coffee shop :
Waitress: Hawaii,sir, you must be Hungary . Gent: Yes, Siam,
but I can't Romania here long. Venice lunch ready ?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What'll you have, Aix ?
Gent: Whatever's ready. But can't Jamaica cook hurry?
Waitress: Odessa laugh ! But Alaska .
Gent: A nd put a little sugar in my Java. Waitress: Don't you be Sicily.
Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia .
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorous. I hope he'll
Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am. Waitress: Canada noise !
I don't Caribean . You sure Ararat ! Gent: Samoa your wisecracks !
What got India? D'you think this arguing Alps business ? Be Nice !
Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne ! Alamein do !
S'pain in the neck ! Pay your check and beat it. Abyssinia .

A parish priest comes to the home of a family in his parish for dinner . He asks the little boy in the family " Young man, do you say your prayers before meals "?
The kid replies " Nah, I don't have to. My mom's a good cook !"

One elderly theologian to another : "Sects, sects, sects. That's all
you ever think about !"

Rabbi to his congregation : "Ladies and gentlemen of the Jewry ".

Are you sure it was a good idea for Noah to take two termites onto the ark ?

Pandemonium : A high rise development for pandas .

Mortician: A guy in a grave situation .

I taught my bird to play baseball, and now he's in the mynah leagues .

On lion in the jungle to another : "Let us prey ."

Chicken dinner : biting the pullet .

Crackpot : a psychoceramic .

Neurotic : a self-taut person .

Headlines : Flying nun violates D.C. airspace, shot down .
Capitol evacuated, mother superior cross .

Hurricane rips through cemetery . Hundreds dead .

Space shuttle windshield damaged by giant moth
while flying over Japan .
Burning wing and guts shower Tokyo below ; incident angers
giant fire-breathing lizard .

Emperor dies of hypothermia despite new clothes .

Tombstone : Here lies Marty McFly ( 1968 - 1953 ).
Beloved son, loving father, own grandfather .

Help Wanted : Live-in nursing care professional for seven elderly
dwarfs .Room and board included .Experience with a wide range of
temperments, illnesses and disabilities preferred .
Position includes colorful uniform with inexplicably high collar.

Temper tantrum : Call of the riled .

Sarcasm : Barbed ire .

Why are fish brain food ? They travel in schools .

I'm an electric guy - everything I own is charged !

Conscience : The part of you that feels bad when the rest of you feels great !