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koban koban is offline
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October 2nd, 2005, 10:22 PM

Firechyld - you alluded to your work earlier. What do you do for a living ?



   
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firechyld firechyld is offline
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October 2nd, 2005, 11:30 PM

Was it you who asked me this on the other thread? I answered there.





What Would Cthulhu Do?

He who knows one religion knows none. - Max Muller

That's the kind of liberal thinking that leads to being eaten! - Principal Snyder, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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October 2nd, 2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
Was it you who asked me this on the other thread? I answered there.

Yes - I got the threads mixed up. I saw your answer. Thank you.



   
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Delmar Delmar is online now
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October 3rd, 2005, 05:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
My eldest sister has been divorced three times through no fault of her own.

It happens.
No fault of her own? Who's fault was it that she married three loosers?









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October 3rd, 2005, 06:45 AM

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Originally Posted by deardelmar
No fault of her own? Who's fault was it that she married three loosers?
Is it your wife's fault that she married a loser? [the guy before you]



   
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  (#231) Old
firechyld firechyld is offline
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October 3rd, 2005, 10:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by deardelmar
No fault of her own? Who's fault was it that she married three loosers?
I'd say it was the men's fault. Two of three were very successful, all three were lovely, caring and intelligent guys.

They just decided to keep certain facts about themselves hidden until after they were wed... specifically that one was a wife beater and another a philanderer.

The first, however, walked out on her when they found out she can't have kids.

Hell, I've been divorced because my husband was abusive. Is that MY fault for marrying him? As BB brought up, was it your wife's fault that she married a cheater? Before you, of course.

Don't try and place the faults of men on the women who are duped into accepting them, at least not when talking with me. I absolutely will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.





What Would Cthulhu Do?

He who knows one religion knows none. - Max Muller

That's the kind of liberal thinking that leads to being eaten! - Principal Snyder, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for the rest! - Kang as Bob Dole, The Simpsons
   
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SOTK SOTK is offline
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October 3rd, 2005, 10:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
I'd say it was the men's fault. Two of three were very successful, all three were lovely, caring and intelligent guys.

They just decided to keep certain facts about themselves hidden until after they were wed... specifically that one was a wife beater and another a philanderer.

The first, however, walked out on her when they found out she can't have kids.

Hell, I've been divorced because my husband was abusive. Is that MY fault for marrying him? As BB brought up, was it your wife's fault that she married a cheater? Before you, of course.

Don't try and place the faults of men on the women who are duped into accepting them, at least not when talking with me. I absolutely will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.
You do have to wonder though why some people are attracted to the same type of guy or woman. I agree that Delmar's question was a loaded one, but it is a question which should be asked by every women or man who find themselves in failed relationships over and over again. For example, I have an aunt who has been married and divorced 4 times. While each husband was their own person, they were still each similar in that they were emotionally immature, irresponsible, and had no idea what committment was all about.

At some point, a woman or man needs to look at what it is about them that is attracted to this type of person. They need to ask themselves why their relationships continue to fail. Personally, I think there are many reasons why this occurs. First and foremost, my aunt is not a Christian and does not mary Christian men so that's problem number one. There is also the psychological factor. Did my aunt have poor role models? Was her dad abusive? Was one of her first boyfriends abusive? It's hard to tell, but there's usually a reason why a man or woman continues to find themselves in failed relationships. In order to correct this, both reasons need to be addressed.




Last edited by SOTK; October 3rd, 2005 at 11:09 AM..
   
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firechyld firechyld is offline
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October 3rd, 2005, 11:09 AM

Quote:
You do have to wonder though why some people are attracted to the same type of guy or woman.
Oh, I do. As does my sister.

Her theory used to be that she grew up without a male role model, and had no real way of knowing what a happy relationship should look like (her mother is an absolute nutcase). She changed her mind when I went made the same mistake, marrying an abuser. I had a fine upstanding male role model in our father. (my family is a leetle complicated)

Something I see quite often is the pattern of intelligent abusers. Neither of us wed drunken louts who punched us after the footy... we married intelligent men who went out of their way to make us feel like the most amazing women in the world, and who worked slowly towards stripping our independence before turning to abuse.

It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself, there is nothing to protect you from that kind of predator. I honestly believe that my ex husband... and one of hers... are the closest I have seen to evil. That's not something I say lightly.

Quote:
I agree that Delmar's question was a loaded one, but it is a question which should be asked by every women or man who find themselves in failed relationships over and over again.
I agree your point is valid. But what predisposes a woman to be the victim of an abuser, or the target of a monster?

Quote:
For example, I have an aunt who has been married and divorced 4 times. While each husband was their own person, they were still each similar in that they were emotionally immature, irresponsible, and had no idea what committment was all about.
I've seen several women in similar situations.

Quote:
At some point, a woman or man needs to look at what it is about them that is attracted to this type of person.
While I agree, I hesitate to say anything that might take any of the blame off the men in the situations I described.

My sister is somewhat unique in that all of her failed marriages ended for different reasons, and all through faults of the husband. She learns from her mistakes... but it seems to set her up for the next one.





What Would Cthulhu Do?

He who knows one religion knows none. - Max Muller

That's the kind of liberal thinking that leads to being eaten! - Principal Snyder, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for the rest! - Kang as Bob Dole, The Simpsons
   
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SOTK SOTK is offline
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October 3rd, 2005, 11:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
I agree your point is valid. But what predisposes a woman to be the victim of an abuser, or the target of a monster?
Let me clarify. I was not implying that bad things do not happen to good people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
While I agree, I hesitate to say anything that might take any of the blame off the men in the situations I described.
Yes, I also did not mean to imply that it is the woman's fault that her husband is abusive nor a woman's fault that her husband is adulterous.

My only point is that there is usually a reason why a woman or man finds themselves attracted to the same type of mate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firechyld
My sister is somewhat unique in that all of her failed marriages ended for different reasons, and all through faults of the husband. She learns from her mistakes... but it seems to set her up for the next one.


Well, I pray her next husband is a great one (a Christian one would be perfect! )!



   
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firechyld firechyld is offline
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October 3rd, 2005, 11:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SOTK
Let me clarify. I was not implying that bad things do not happen to good people.
Good.

Apologies: This is obviously a topic I can be very defensive about.

Quote:
Yes, I also did not mean to imply that it is the woman's fault that her husband is abusive nor a woman's fault that her husband is adulterous.
Good.

Quote:
My only point is that there is usually a reason why a woman or man finds themselves attracted to the same type of mate.
I'd say sometimes, rather than usually.

Quote:


Well, I pray her next husband is a great one (a Christian one would be perfect! )!
She's forty-three. I don't think she has any plans to wed for a fourth time.





What Would Cthulhu Do?

He who knows one religion knows none. - Max Muller

That's the kind of liberal thinking that leads to being eaten! - Principal Snyder, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for the rest! - Kang as Bob Dole, The Simpsons
   
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October 3rd, 2005, 09:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BillyBob
Is it your wife's fault that she married a loser? [the guy before you]
In part! A bad marriage is rarely the fault of just one party. My wife is no different and is willing to accept her share of the blame.









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Delmar Delmar is online now
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October 3rd, 2005, 09:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SOTK
... I agree that Delmar's question was a loaded one...
Ok me too.









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