Geographical argument in a coffee shop :
Waitress: Hawaii,sir, you must be Hungary . Gent: Yes, Siam,
but I can't Romania here long. Venice lunch ready ?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What'll you have, Aix ?
Gent: Whatever's ready. But can't Jamaica cook hurry?
Waitress: Odessa laugh ! But Alaska .
Gent: A nd put a little sugar in my Java. Waitress: Don't you be Sicily.
Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia .
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorous. I hope he'll
Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am. Waitress: Canada noise !
I don't Caribean . You sure Ararat ! Gent: Samoa your wisecracks !
What got India? D'you think this arguing Alps business ? Be Nice !
Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne ! Alamein do !
S'pain in the neck ! Pay your check and beat it. Abyssinia .
A parish priest comes to the home of a family in his parish for dinner . He asks the little boy in the family " Young man, do you say your prayers before meals "?
The kid replies " Nah, I don't have to. My mom's a good cook !"
One elderly theologian to another : "Sects, sects, sects. That's all
you ever think about !"
Rabbi to his congregation : "Ladies and gentlemen of the Jewry ".
Are you sure it was a good idea for Noah to take two termites onto the ark ?
Pandemonium : A high rise development for pandas .
Mortician: A guy in a grave situation .
I taught my bird to play baseball, and now he's in the mynah leagues .
On lion in the jungle to another : "Let us prey ."
Chicken dinner : biting the pullet .
Crackpot : a psychoceramic .
Neurotic : a self-taut person .
Headlines : Flying nun violates D.C. airspace, shot down .
Capitol evacuated, mother superior cross .
Hurricane rips through cemetery . Hundreds dead .
Space shuttle windshield damaged by giant moth
while flying over Japan .
Burning wing and guts shower Tokyo below ; incident angers
giant fire-breathing lizard .
Emperor dies of hypothermia despite new clothes .
Tombstone : Here lies Marty McFly ( 1968 - 1953 ).
Beloved son, loving father, own grandfather .
Help Wanted : Live-in nursing care professional for seven elderly
dwarfs .Room and board included .Experience with a wide range of
temperments, illnesses and disabilities preferred .
Position includes colorful uniform with inexplicably high collar.
Temper tantrum : Call of the riled .
Sarcasm : Barbed ire .
Why are fish brain food ? They travel in schools .
I'm an electric guy - everything I own is charged !
Conscience : The part of you that feels bad when the rest of you feels great !