My father was a good man. He we an excellent provider; he set a good example for many important things pertaining to being successful in life. It was not until I was much older, when I had children growing up, that I came to realise that my father was not very comfortable with women and children. As I child, I had to make the effort to relate to him on his level, not as a typical child; he liked my interest in my studies and I will have to credit him for instilling in me values to be the perfect student and later, the perfect career woman.
My husband was much more a model of the father who relates to his family. My children did not always put their studies first, although they did well in school. My husband played ball with all the kids, he was the kind of father who took the kids out on the weekends and when they grew older, we had teenage parties at our home and as much as he disliked the music of the 1980s, he out up with it.
My father would just not allow kids playing loud music, or making noise. He was at home with businessmen, not family. Although he was fair and well tempered, not one to ever be abusive, nor did he ever show his feelings, or argue with my mother in front of us. My parents seemed perfect, that was what they thought was right, being an example that would be very hard to live up to, I believe he felt kids needed a model of adult perfection.
My family, we were less so, more vulnerable to our own passions and I think our children saw us as having human flaws.
My granddaughter told me, it was not so, that her mother sensed me as always being perfect and without flaws. She sees her mother as more human and although she feels able to discuss these things well with me now, I do find it perplexing.
