Originally posted by OMEGA
QUESTION :
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
Because he saw the gas bill. :chuckle: :chuckle:
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One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was.
So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?''
''On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied.
The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee. :chuckle: :chuckle:
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A blonde walks into a doctors office with a gunshot wound in her hand.
The doctor asks, "How did this happen?"
She replies, "Well, I was trying to commit suicide. I stuck the gun to my head and then...just before I pulled the trigger... I thought, this is going to be loud. So I covered my other ear before pulling the trigger:chuckle: :chuckle:
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An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all
his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his
lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each
of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I
can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put
an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the
priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had
only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000
for a new baptistery. "Well, since we're confiding in each
other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope
because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost
$20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you,"
he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in
that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.":chuckle: :chuckle:
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Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter. The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children." The last guy replies. "I would like to hear them say.... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!" :chuckle: :chuckle:
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A blonde had a near death experience when she went horseback
riding the other day. Everything was going fine until the horse
started bouncing out of control.
She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first
to the ground.
Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop
or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the
Walmart manager happened to walk by and unplug the ride.
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:chuckle: :chuckle:
