[FONT="]
Forgiveness is dismissing a debt. In the New Testament, the Greek noun
aphesis denotes a "
dismissal" or "
release." When you grant forgiveness, you dismiss the debt owed to you. When you receive forgiveness, your debt is dismissed. When you grant forgiveness, you dismiss the debt from your thoughts. Forgiveness is dismissing your demand that others owe you something, especially when they fail to meet your expectations... fail to keep a promise... fail to treat you justly.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That said, forgiveness
is not [/FONT]
[FONT="]- circumventing God's justice[/FONT]
[FONT="]- waiting for time to heal all wounds[/FONT]
[FONT="]- letting the guilty off the hook[/FONT][FONT="]
- the same thing as reconciliation[/FONT]
[FONT="]- excusing unjust behavior[/FONT]
[FONT="]- explaining away the hurt[/FONT]
[FONT="]- based on what is fair[/FONT]
[FONT="]- being a weak martyr[/FONT]
[FONT="]- stuffing your anger[/FONT]
[FONT="]- a natural response[/FONT]
[FONT="]- denying the hurt[/FONT]
[FONT="]- being a doormat[/FONT]
[FONT="]- conditional (God mandates it!)[/FONT]
[FONT="]- forgetting[/FONT]
[FONT="]- a feeling....[/FONT]
[FONT="]God commands us to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of the will, it is not some emotion.
[/FONT]Let's dig a wee bit deeper into reconciliation. Is forgiveness the same as reconciliation?
No.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness focuses on the offense, whereas reconciliation focuses on the relationship. Forgiveness requires no relationship.
However, reconciliation requires a relationship in which two people, in agreement, are walking together toward the same goal. The Bible says,
"
Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" (Amos 3:3)
- Forgiveness can take place with only one person.
—Reconciliation requires at least two persons.
- Forgiveness is directed one-way.
—Reconciliation is reciprocal... occurring two-ways.
- Forgiveness is a decision to release the offender.
—Reconciliation is the effort to rejoin the offender.
- Forgiveness involves a change in thinking about the offender.
—Reconciliation involves a change in behavior by the offender.
- Forgiveness is a free gift to the one who has broken trust.
—Reconciliation is a restored relationship based on restored trust.
- Forgiveness is extended even if it is never, ever earned.
—Reconciliation is offered to the offender because it has been earned.
- Forgiveness is unconditional, regardless of a lack of repentance.
—Reconciliation is conditional based on repentance.
A question that I am often asked is "After we forgive someone, must we also try to be reconciled?"
My Answer to this question is sometimes
yes and sometimes
no.
- Most of the time God's desire for us is reconciliation. Second Corinthians 5:18 says, "God... reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation."
- However, sometimes encouraging the restoration of a relationship is not at all wise, as with a partner in adultery or with a rapist. First Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" For instance, if a husband's anger is out of control and he refuses to get help for his violent temper, the wife needs to take this Scripture to heart and move out of harm's way until counseling and lasting changes are a part of his lifestyle.
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered." (Proverbs 22:24)
AMR